“The fact that people are scandalized by BDSM and Kink is because it’s “other,” and as a society we are taught that “other” is wrong.”

Luna David is an Amazon bestselling author of LGBT romantic suspense, with a little kink thrown in for good measure.  Let’s interrogate her 😉

What do you find most appealing and interesting about BDSM fiction? What draws you to it?

First, I’ll say that while BDSM and Kink are not always sexual in nature, for the purposes of this interview I will link them together. For me, I think I love it because it takes society’s assumption of what is proper sexual activity and flips it on its head. For the most part, I don’t think people who stick to vanilla relationships are truly that vanilla. There’s a stigma to sex and all the aspects of sexual intercourse. The fact that people are scandalized by BDSM and Kink is because it’s “other,” and as a society we are taught that “other” is wrong.

Sex and sexuality have become a social construct. As a society we aren’t taught to be free with our bodies, to admit to or be open about our sexual preferences and activities if they are different. We aren’t taught that sex can be anything other than inserting Tab A into Slot B, or if we are, it isn’t with approval, it is with a warning, a “what not to do.”

BDSM and Kink toss that construct out the window. They can be freeing in many ways. There are rules to follow, of course; SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) have “consent” as their common element, an element that is stressed, discussed, and strictly adhered to if those in the lifestyle are practicing it properly. The importance of consent is more prevalent in this community than most, which is sad when you think about it.

BDSM/Kink romance novels wouldn’t have the popularity they do if there wasn’t interest in “other.” Reading about the BDSM/Kink community opens our eyes to a world of possibilities that many people wouldn’t be exposed to otherwise.

I was first introduced to BDSM/Kink my freshman year of college in AOL chat rooms. From there I found myself in local chat rooms and then entered into several quasi-relationships over my college years with older men that practiced it in some way, opening my eyes to something I’d never dreamed of. And though they were relationships based on BDSM/Kink, specifically elements of Dominance and submission, none of them were what I’d consider hardcore in any way as that is not my preference personally.

I’ve been reading romance novels since my very early teens and I remember later on in college lamenting the fact I couldn’t find any with Kink or BDSM elements. It wasn’t until my birthday in November 2012 when I got my first Kindle and began to search for romance novels with kink themes, MF at the time. I fell in love and haven’t looked back. And by 2014 I was reading MM exclusively.

Do you think that an author who writes about BDSM should have some personal experience in that regard, following the stick-to-what-you-know rule, or can lack of experience be amended with research?

I don’t really think that’s for me to say. Personally, I think it probably helps but by no means is it a requirement. I think those that live it or at least elements of it, feel more passionate about it and I think sometimes that can be “felt” by readers.

I know there are a lot of authors that don’t live that type of lifestyle and write it regardless. Whether they are writing to market, or they are only interested in learning about it, reading it, and writing it. Maybe they don’t feel brave enough to venture into that world personally for whatever reason, or don’t want to “live” there and just want to visit in that way. They can still be passionate about their work and write amazing books.

Do you prefer to write about mild kinks or something hardcore? Why? And what are your favorite kinks to explore?

I think “mild” and “hardcore” vary depending on the author and reader. I wouldn’t mind writing what I consider hardcore, but hardcore for me might be very different than hardcore for others. For me hardcore is different than “dark” Kink/BDSM romances. I rarely read dark romance and therefore will probably—because I try to never say never—avoid writing it.

I write what I love to read. I have from the very beginning. My most hardcore romance so far is Saving Sebastian and I don’t consider it to be too hardcore but readers might. I love most elements of Kink/BDSM in romance novels as long as they are written well and adhere to RACK. That’s why I prefer not to read “dark” romance because that’s not always the case in those books and I have a hard time reading that personally and it would be really difficult to write it.

Of the BDSM elements—Bondage/discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/Masochism—I love Dominance and submission most, followed by Bondage/discipline, and bringing up the rear, Sadism/Masochism. D/s is the biggest draw for me personally and in reading and writing BDSM and Kink romance. I love reading about new and unique practices in the lifestyle.

I’ve been drawn to Daddy Kink for years and years, beginning with MF and moving to MM. It was something that, in the beginning, was a “guilty pleasure,” which ties back to my answer to the first question regarding being taught in society that sexual practices that are “other/different” are wrong.

When I saw posts with requests for Daddy Kink romance, in the MM Book Rec years ago, I thought to myself, MY PEOPLE! LOL It was a freeing feeling, hearing others show their interest in something I had loved for years.

In Open Mind, you write about a doctor who focusses on the people in a BDSM community. In your opinion, what are the key rules for kinksters who don’t want to end up needing a doctor after a BDSM session?

This all ties back to SSC and RACK in my opinion. It is all about consent and safety. There are those in the community that enjoy breath play, knife play, blood play, body mod and other practices where a doctor may be needed after doing what they love or in some instances what they need. Hopefully that’s not the case on the regular, but may be needed occasionally.

Practicing things like the above and others that could physically hurt you should always be consented to. If they are risk aware they know what could happen and are consenting anyway. There is a big difference between hurting and harming. Many that live this lifestyle want/need to hurt or be hurt, but if it is done with consent and safety in mind, hopefully they will not come to harm.

If they don’t want to need a doctor for physical damage they have sustained while practicing BDSM, they should be communicating their wants and needs with their partners well ahead of time to ensure they are both adhering to each other’s expectations of what is and is not okay in a scene.

In Saving Sebastian, Gideon describes a Dom/sub relationship as mutual service. What about Doms who think that serving is a submissive’s duty, not theirs? Is it potentially abusive or is it okay as long as it works for both parties?

I one hundred percent believe that Dom/sub relationships are based on mutual service. But there are definitely those that don’t. That isn’t necessarily wrong, and quite honestly it can be a matter of semantics in terms of people’s definition of service. That doesn’t mean it is abusive but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be abusive either.

Some Dominants wouldn’t consider it “service” and some subs wouldn’t want to consider what their Dom does to/for them that way either. There’s no one-size-fits-all in life and that most definitely carries into BDSM and Kink lifestyles. Every relationship is going to be different because each person is unique in their own way. Feelings regarding “service” aren’t any different, not to mention how people label themselves, their relationship, and their sexual or relationship practices. Regardless of how someone labels their relationship, adherence to SSC and RACK is key and often times labels aren’t important.

Does the BDSM club that you describe, Catharsis, have a “prototype” in real life? How are such establishments are usually organized? What would be your advice to someone who’s never been to a BDSM club before, but wants to try?

No, Catharsis does not have a prototype in real life. To me it was an “if money and space were no object” what could it look like from my own perspective. I don’t think there’s a set way BDSM clubs are organized. I know there are clubs/bars that are based solely on being with likeminded people, drinking, dancing, having fun, being with your community, etc. It’s more about being free and not hiding who they are. While other clubs are set up specifically to practice BDSM/Kink in a safe space specifically built for those needs.

My advice to someone who has never been to a BDSM club before is to research that club and know what you are getting into. And personally, keeping safety in mind, I’d suggest going with someone you completely trust.